Because I Said So
March 11, 2008 by Kate Olson
I know this won’t be popular, but isn’t there some value to “because I said so” as a response to a question? As a parent? As a teacher? As a boss? I know all the stuff out there on giving reasons for everything and respecting roles and setting the tone for respect, but isn’t there a time when authority is the final answer?
When my 2-year-old doesn’t want to sit on the potty, do I go into a 30 minute explanation of how our bodies work (after already doing this many times) and have her have an accident?
When a student whines for the millionth time that he’s BORED and doesn’t WANT to do something, do I sit him down for a one-on-one conversation (while the rest of the class waits) on the benefits of a certain activity (which, by the way, I’ve already given multiple times)?
When an employee balks and balks and balks at doing something assigned to him or her, isn’t there a time when being the boss is what matters?
As I said, I know the underlying reasons for giving good reasons for everything we do, but when we’re on the fly, in real world situations, and have already set the stage for children, students, employees to respect us, can’t we pull rank?
Can’t we EVER use authority as the last word anymore?
Based on the discussions flying around these days, no.
I beg to differ.
Hit me with it.
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I totally agree. There are things in life that we just can’t have our way, no questions asked. Using this type of authority too often can be numbing, but I think it is definitely appropriate when used occasionally.
I am with you on this one. Sometimes we have to realize that we need to do something, not because we want to, but simply because someone in authority has asked us to. Likewise, those of us in positions of authority must sometimes be willing to just say, “This is how I want it done, I’ve already told you why many times, so do it because I said so!” Yes, let’s not be afraid to say “because I said so!”
Obviously you can answer “because I said so” but it doesn’t mean you should. In class I suspect the student might be trying to be annoying. I probably wouldn’t go into an explanation of why but I might remove the student from the activity so that they feel what it’s like to not be a part of what everybody else is doing for a short while.
At work, “because I said so” is just going to upset your workers. People can accept commands but if they really want to know a reason behind something and you don’t tell them, this just creates mistrust and animosity.
With your own son, I say do whatever you want. He’s yours.
In a real sense, authority is ALWAYS the last word. If nothing else, people make decisions based on the authority of the information they have and on the authority of logic (whose rules we generally accept because they are, well, authoritative). There is really not a single person out there who simply does not listen to authority — just people whose idea of what it authoritative might be different than ours. (Like your 2-year old… and probably my 2-year old as well!)
The trick is to make authority make sense — so when I tell my calculus students to do their homework, say, they do it not merely because I told them so, but because my telling them so conveys a sense that I know what really works out best for them in the end and that if they do what I ask they will come out better than if they don’t.
Honestly, I don’t believe that everything I say as a teacher to my students warrants an explanation. While I don’t exercise this option on a regular basis, I reserve the right to use it at my descretion.
Thanks much for the feedback! As I said in the post, I believe the foundations of respect MUST be set, and feel that rank shouldn’t be pulled as a first resort.
Matt - good points. I guess I didn’t make clear that I was referring to a work situation where the explanation was already given (multiple times) and the job just needs to be done. Sometimes it’s detrimental to a parent/boss/teacher to engage in every single debate and is obviously always a case-by-case decision. I don’t advocate using authority as basis for everything, but really do think that there is a place for it. I think that many of the classroom management/parenting/management books over-simplify things by claiming that rank should never be pulled.
When I worked with my autistic students, it was very important, especially for safety, that they learned to do what was asked when asked. We couldn’t take the time to talk it out because of the safety hazards but we did talk about this happening before it happened. I also did this at the beginning of the year that sometimes we would discuss why I asked them to do things and sometimes I wouldn’t.
I agree with Robert Talbert– it is okay to use when saying, “Because I said so,” puts the emphasis on the word “I.” There should be a president that you as the speaking authority have earned the respect of those you are working with because you know what you are talking about. When someone we respect for their wisdom and care says something, we know it is coming from a place we can trust.
in the situation where it has already been explained, perhaps the question should fall back upon the person asking why they have to do it again– if they need an explanation, maybe they need some time to think through it for themselves before they can own it.
The “because I said so” enters into the political world as well. Despite the seeming illogical explanations, school boards and administrators sometimes need to make the decision to determine a direction or policy. When conflicting needs arise, some one must say “because I said so”. As much as people try to make sense of a situation, circumstances beyond a person’s control arise and no amount of explanation can satisfy the opposing sides.